Life is all about choices, choices which we make everyday and converted them into our daily routine practice. Should I brush the teeth if I am in a hurry? Should I call my parents when I feel like they are angry with me for not taking the course they thought I would take? Should I drink tequila when I know I have to get up early? Should I move to a different country and start it all over again? Should I have new friends? Should I just grow up and be responsible for my decisions? Is it the time to end up doing only mistakes and just "trying the life on"? How long does it take to seriously consider yourself as a grown-up person responsible for your deeds?
What happens after graduation? What happens when you are not certain of the nearest future of 3 months?
Most of the time I just dont want to make a decision or take responsibility still hoping everything is decided for me in advance. Most of the time I just hope there is someone Big and Experienced to help me out. But what if I am all alone? Scary.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
My very true love
“I will call you later tonight”, his voice distracted hanging up. Thoughts rushing through my head: “No more in love”, “No more interest in me”, “Maybe another woman”, “Divorce”. The last one makes my heart sink and beat faster. Call back. Waiting. Long rings. Counting seconds. Heart beating faster. No answer. Answer-machine.
“Well, just another one”, me comforting myself, while making myself chamomile tea and lighting a cigarette. Shaking hands touching my face, getting wet and soft, my eyes, probably, red. “Gosh, why now?” putting on a Dolce dress and painting my face through the tears. “Why tonight?” Dropped the purse, forgot the cab number, left the mobile on the pillow. Missed call. Him. Smiling to myself. “Bloody bastard!” – I will never fall in love with a man again!
“Well, just another one”, me comforting myself, while making myself chamomile tea and lighting a cigarette. Shaking hands touching my face, getting wet and soft, my eyes, probably, red. “Gosh, why now?” putting on a Dolce dress and painting my face through the tears. “Why tonight?” Dropped the purse, forgot the cab number, left the mobile on the pillow. Missed call. Him. Smiling to myself. “Bloody bastard!” – I will never fall in love with a man again!
Monday, April 02, 2007
black holes and revelations
Women thinking of themselves as victims? Simone de Bouvour in "The Second Sex" insisting that men picture women as their slaves and friends of humans, men...
But what if its only us who build this picture of a weak woman not able to live the same life men do? What if its only comfortable for US to pretend we are victims when in reality we have made that clear for ourselves we are even stronger than men? The only reasonable explanation I have is the upbringing problem. And since the upbringing can be moderated it leaves hope for us to get closer to the Indian society in their advanced way of thinking and living.
Our position in the world, in the modern society is only and fully dependent on our own impression of ourselves and others. Its up to you whether you feel more comfortable in the position of a strong or a weak. Its your mind and your life and your world!
But what if its only us who build this picture of a weak woman not able to live the same life men do? What if its only comfortable for US to pretend we are victims when in reality we have made that clear for ourselves we are even stronger than men? The only reasonable explanation I have is the upbringing problem. And since the upbringing can be moderated it leaves hope for us to get closer to the Indian society in their advanced way of thinking and living.
Our position in the world, in the modern society is only and fully dependent on our own impression of ourselves and others. Its up to you whether you feel more comfortable in the position of a strong or a weak. Its your mind and your life and your world!
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