Last week in DC. I feel like crying when I come to think of parting with people I am friends with now, people who have changed my life completely.
Still plenty of art galleries to see, gay pubs to visit, phone calls to make (hate talking on the phone though), people to hang out with this weekend. They are arranging a party for me at the "FUR". You can find my and my friends' pictures at www.furnightclub.com in the gallery. Also check out some old pics. "Fur" is my second home and they might have a lot on me :))
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Obsessed
Obsession. My manager asked me once what I am obsessed and passionate about. My answer seemes inspiring and laconic to him. "Oh, horses..." - the one he would never expect me to give. He did that on purpose trying to compare my passion for horses with his for money.
But what is obsession? Is it a feeling of need that devours your soul and doesn't leave you alone at night? Obsession is unpredictable and almost impossible to regulate. Once it comes over me I know I wont be able to stop it. The desire of possession is too strong to give it up. Hinduism (Buddhism) teaches me to be patient and cool. My problems come from my desires. "Make a wish" - my best friend tells me and I respond: "I am too weak to fight for it". So I stop wanting. As long as you dont want anything , you diont dream about it, you are free from your obsession.
Last night I went out to a brazilian bar for a few drinks with a conceited journalist I hardly knew. "Anna, obsession is weakness for a man. Whenever you are obessed with something you are loosing control of the situation. Its dangerous. You have to subdue the desire not to submit it." I agree but then he gives me an intense look saying: "But I cant get over my obsession for you. I want to kiss you and to wake up with you on my chest smiling." I smile feeling confused and excited. He feels that and follows his obsession. I follow mine and run away in a cab.
But what is obsession? Is it a feeling of need that devours your soul and doesn't leave you alone at night? Obsession is unpredictable and almost impossible to regulate. Once it comes over me I know I wont be able to stop it. The desire of possession is too strong to give it up. Hinduism (Buddhism) teaches me to be patient and cool. My problems come from my desires. "Make a wish" - my best friend tells me and I respond: "I am too weak to fight for it". So I stop wanting. As long as you dont want anything , you diont dream about it, you are free from your obsession.
Last night I went out to a brazilian bar for a few drinks with a conceited journalist I hardly knew. "Anna, obsession is weakness for a man. Whenever you are obessed with something you are loosing control of the situation. Its dangerous. You have to subdue the desire not to submit it." I agree but then he gives me an intense look saying: "But I cant get over my obsession for you. I want to kiss you and to wake up with you on my chest smiling." I smile feeling confused and excited. He feels that and follows his obsession. I follow mine and run away in a cab.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Armani and Jazz - a new match?
- So, what does a Russian person like about America?
(instead of saying "nothing" which is closer to the truth I say):
- I sincerely enjoy having an Armani store right next to my house, free jazz concerts and Colombian men working at Armani. I also enjoy long strolls along the Potomac river with strangers who dont seem to be strangers at all, trips to New York and to the beach, as I never saw the ocean ever before. I love gay pubs and crowded night clubs, long hours spent in art galleries exhibiting Monet and Renoir, to my surprise, moments when I can stare at the night sky, for its the only time of the day when I can stare at the sky. I like working with Ethiopian and Polish people, eating Haagen-Dazs, because it reminds me of Germany and my German friends.
But most of all I enjoy myself - free and independent, lovable and loving, smiling and happy, crazy and serious, able to do whatever I want and not being judged or punished for that. Isn't it inspiring?
(instead of saying "nothing" which is closer to the truth I say):
- I sincerely enjoy having an Armani store right next to my house, free jazz concerts and Colombian men working at Armani. I also enjoy long strolls along the Potomac river with strangers who dont seem to be strangers at all, trips to New York and to the beach, as I never saw the ocean ever before. I love gay pubs and crowded night clubs, long hours spent in art galleries exhibiting Monet and Renoir, to my surprise, moments when I can stare at the night sky, for its the only time of the day when I can stare at the sky. I like working with Ethiopian and Polish people, eating Haagen-Dazs, because it reminds me of Germany and my German friends.
But most of all I enjoy myself - free and independent, lovable and loving, smiling and happy, crazy and serious, able to do whatever I want and not being judged or punished for that. Isn't it inspiring?
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