Older

This May made me wiser. I would not say older, for several reasons, one of which is that I am officially older now. Wiser in this case means more experienced in the questions of living and loving.

I am looking over at my lonely room and thinking of the times when it was not so empty and when my days were much lighter. I have been lighter.

There are some things that might kill the best feelings even in the optimist, which I used to be. Strangely, I used to play the main part of my life, having all my dreams right before me. Then came an alteration which made me more of a slave.

This year I have also noticed one thing: every year right before my birthday I fall apart, mentally and physically. I start seeing nightmares. I lack trust for people. I lack the desire of being light and easy-going.

This year I have finally understood what the real love is. It is the love for myself, which under no conditions can be replaced with the love of someone for me.  With a little love for yourself you can see life from another angle. It might even surprise you. And after all I am assured that only if you love yourself enough will another person fall in love with you the same way.

This year taught me not to react. Not to react to what other people think, first of all. Not to react on what someone wants from you. Its not exactly freedom, its liberty.
I have learned to listen to my heart and pass my feelings to others. 
I have learned to give people more waiting for the universe to give me back all love I had given.

This year I realised that the most important thing in life is family. And no family can exist without children. Children are those who fill my heart and to whom I hope to give myself the next year.

And yet there is another thing I have not mentioned yet. No matter what happens in life, I would have never managed that without my family and my friends and the mutual love which keeps me strong and alive.