Obsession. My manager asked me once what I am obsessed and passionate about. My answer seemes inspiring and laconic to him. "Oh, horses..." - the one he would never expect me to give. He did that on purpose trying to compare my passion for horses with his for money.
But what is obsession? Is it a feeling of need that devours your soul and doesn't leave you alone at night? Obsession is unpredictable and almost impossible to regulate. Once it comes over me I know I wont be able to stop it. The desire of possession is too strong to give it up. Hinduism (Buddhism) teaches me to be patient and cool. My problems come from my desires. "Make a wish" - my best friend tells me and I respond: "I am too weak to fight for it". So I stop wanting. As long as you dont want anything , you diont dream about it, you are free from your obsession.
Last night I went out to a brazilian bar for a few drinks with a conceited journalist I hardly knew. "Anna, obsession is weakness for a man. Whenever you are obessed with something you are loosing control of the situation. Its dangerous. You have to subdue the desire not to submit it." I agree but then he gives me an intense look saying: "But I cant get over my obsession for you. I want to kiss you and to wake up with you on my chest smiling." I smile feeling confused and excited. He feels that and follows his obsession. I follow mine and run away in a cab.
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3 comments:
Hi, dear, terribly misssing u, i just read ur last notes and i laughed extremely, i liked it very much, how'r there? answer me please if u can, really waiting forward for u here, horses is our mutual tremendous and true obsession!
I had a very interesting evening with you that I really did not expect tonight. You inspire me more and more each day. I just wish I could do the same for you some day. Knowing each other such a short time, and being touched so is very wierd for me. I cannot wait to learn more and more about you. You are a very special person in this world, and you should never forget that.
Guys, will you please stop calling ME special? For God's sake I'm not and will never be. I am who I am. Not the best person in the world - just a kind fool who still believes in true friendship and romance which is either not here for me anymore or just lost on its way - I dont know which. I guess I still have some time for find out who I am and what my goal is. I'll give it time.
Oxana, you're right in every point - we both have changed a lot. I'll try to find a Renoir for you - I think I'll just take a picture of "the luncheon party on the boat" which they returned back to the Phillips Collection.
P.S. Need to get a new camera and shoes tonight!!!
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