German television is killing me: Alles ist möglich, Toyota. Ja, wahrscheinlich...
German language is annoying and sounds komisch to me: Ach so!.. Ja, genau!..
German people are full of prejudices, even those who are not from a village-like small towns like Kassel. Where does that come from?
Where did the elderly people get that Gewöhnlichkeit to stare at you in that manner as if you are dressed up as a whore? God damn it! I wanna go home and not hear this language, not see these people, their clean streets and their ugly 1950s buildings and not listen to their hässlig musik. Sometimes I feel like I am in a cage and there is no way for me to get out of it. I cant breathe!
Sometimes, I have a feeling of being a puppet and I can almost feel other people watching me just out of curiousity and playing with me from time to time, just for fun. I feel there's nothing real left around me, around my own personal world.
Every day, I am being critisized, ignored, laughed at by people who dont matter to me. And those, who actually do, are out of my reach. I dont talk to them for weeks, I dont see them for months. And I am dying. In cold Germany, where it never snows. And it kills me too.
I turned into one of them. I get up every morning and do everything according to their schedule: I study, I work, I eat, I work out, I meet friends and I am a robot. There is nothing left of Anna, seeking for inspiration and art, in love with nature and horses. I am a robot and I am programmed to stay alive in the land where everything seems to go against my life style and makes me adopt to the one I cant digest.
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3 comments:
Dear Anna! Damn I truly understand you...I've been feeling homesick since I've stepped out of that damn building of Wilhelmshohe Bahnhof. For some time German language also sounded strange to me, now it mostly cracks me up. I also abso-fucking-lutely hate the way everyone's staring at me when I walk through the streets of this lousy town. I don't know why but it really gets me upset and depressed when somebody whistles at me or honks the car - I get this feeling like I DID something wrong, like it's MY fault and not some pervert's who's sitting in his car.
On the "living the robot life" part, I would say - you feel that way because life's pretty much boring here: you get up, go to Uni, you go back, you run your errands...nothing special but at least you have a feeling of "being a busy bee"...
Still...I think being here Kassel IS a nice experience...and the nature here also isn't that bad.
Don't worry, be happy, my dear! "It is you mind that creates the world"...
Kisses and hugs,
Alla from 2.WG
how sad... I hope I can help you to like Germany and Kassel more than you at the moment do. It´s the mentality that appears different to you. There is nobody staring at anybody, perhaps they are looking at your great smile...
I love to go partying with you!
lots of kisses
Patricia
Du bist kein puppet. Du bist da puppeteer.
(but you do not know yet the true length of the strings you are pulling)
Believe me
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