Love dimensions

Ever since our childhood we are being called the best. Best in everything: painting, jogging, making airplanes and writing poems. The reason for this encouragement lies in the fact that our parents are trying to make us better by what appreciating us for what we already did. We call it love, they call it parenting.
My own experience has always been less reassuring. My parents, even though being the best parents in the world for me, never stated that I was the best sonet writer or the brighest music student or the most beautiful and charming model. It was right on the contrary  and I have felt discoureged and unmotivated no matter how good I was at that.
It was more than that. Everyone knows this least desired feeling of being compared to someone who is "better, smarter and brighter". Well, it doubled in my case where 
I have been competing with two older brothers, who were, are and will be better for my parents.
And its not just because they are older, but because of the stereotype they live up to. In my country a girl is a half of a man. No matter how hard she tries to be like her brother or just a man, she will be underestimated just because she is a not expected to be better than him.
A man in the patriarchal society has to always be faster, smater and simply better. And a woman either naturally stupid or she has to pretend she lacks brains.
And here is the question: What if I am better, faster and smarter and I realise it despite all the bullshit I have to come across?
Should I just hold my mouth clenched (shut) or speak up and say that I am better?
Easy example: whatever my older brother says my parents always listen to with  care and consideration, even though it might be a useless talk about his hunting/fishing which bores me to death.
Whatever I say, no matter how interesting and funny it is, no one listens, or they make me feel like a complete idiot by saying its irrelevant and not worth talking about.
Do they love me? According to my emotions after the time spent with them, NO.
But thats family. Here's another story. Boyfriends. What about them keeping the track of who they are actually dating. I actually had only one boyfriend who was genuinly interested in what I was doing with my life, bothering about me, giving me advice and praising my accomplishments.
He knows that I am particularly thankful to him for that, since this is something that appears to be missing in relationships.
Why when we date someone we dont show much interest in things which might be the vital source of living for this person?
So, my question is: when we love someone, how well do we know the person we "love"? Can you love someone just for who that person is, what he has achieved? Can we truly appreciate people for who they appear to be without trying to modify them?
And if you dont know/not interested who your beloved is, what do you love then? Do you love yourself in love? Or maybe you love the LOVE?