La Dame aux Camelias

There are few things in life that seem never-ending to me: love and hate. Some even think that love won't exist without hate. Are they actually connected in our mind, I don't know and won't ever know that.
The other night I could not find any sleep, re-reading La Dame aux Camelias, thinking of her story, of my story. Are all love stories in the world interconnected? Do we all find our love story in the eyes of someone else, who has been more brave to spill it out?
My truth about loving would be more hidden: it would be depicted in the Water lilies by Monet, or secretly revieled by the full moon. Sometimes I can't believe how the moon affects me in these particular nights. I find more comfort in the Water lilies hanging on the wall as a humble postcard than in a human conversation which usually leaves me empty and emotionless.
What is the best way to express your emotions when you are a foreigner in another land? How can I learn to express them the same way as the rest of people?
The answer lies in the book. Everything ever written holds the key to life. The answer is always simple and here it is: patience. How could I refuse that thought from the start? So simple: just patience.
I am sure, she, courtisane was of more heart and patience than any other woman with name and position. I am also sure that this woman made an ever-living example to all of us: Love is not always easy, love is not always a pink vanilla dream, love can be harsh, it can be cruel, it can be misleading or destructive, it can be whatever you have never expected it to be, but this doesn't change love itself, Love is always Love, which you can not refuse even if it makes you die. In the end it can only change us, its humble slaves.

L'amoureuse

Il posto piu bello del mondo

Non posso ancora dimenticare quella notte a Sorrento, la notte piena della bellezza ed amore...

Pour mon amour

Car je suis l’amoureuse, oui je suis l’amoureuse
Et je tiens dans mes mains la seule de toutes les choses
Je suis l’amoureuse, je suis ton amoureuse
Et je chante pour toi la seule de toutes les choses
Qui vaille d’être là qui vaille d’être là..

Grazie per esistere, amore mio..


Poiché sono l'innamorata, sì sono l'innamorata
e tengo nelle mie mani la sola di tutte le cose
io sono l'innamorata, sono la tua innamorata
E canto per te la sola di tutte le cose
che vale di essere là che vale di essere là.

The road to heaven or hell

People always agree on the following: believing in what you want will get you closer to that. Those people, in my opinion, never met with the harsh reality. After waking up the world doesn't seem so friendly and optimistic anymore.
At times it even seems that dreams bring nothing more than dissatisfaction and misery.

The more you want something the more challenges come in your way. And do all those challenges simply mean that we should be wanting harder or that we better give up?

When in life we face a trouble, is it just another challenge on the way to the desired?
And if so, how many challenges we are supposed to have to make sure the dream is worth it?

How do you know if the dream is written in your destiny or if you should stop dreaming?

Shakespeare in love

Those lines that I before have writ do lie, 

Even those that said I could not love you dearer:

Yet then my judgement know no reason why

My most full flame should afterwards burn clearer. 

Marriage or what to expect

Marriage..

What is the hidden meaning lying behind it? What is the point of spending your life with one person? What drives people to the marriage?

With the whole world settling around me, I start to think about the reasons why they are so afraid of being alone. Are people simply frightened to stay alone for the rest of the life? Or there are some other reasons like social expectations involved?

I am not 100% sure if a 20 year old can be looking for an eternity with someone they've just met. 

Moreover I dont think that any of them would care so much about the social expectations and standards which are usually more frightening for 30 year olds..

Then what drives us young and fresh in our 20 s to follow the road of the eternity?

Do we marry for all the wrong reasons or for true love?

Destined or responsible?

Sometimes at nights I cannot fall asleep for one simple reason. I think.
I think more and more about the meaning of my life and people coming into my life, their purpose.
And the thought that doesnt let me sleep at times: is everything thats happening is predestined?
Is there a certain life plan to follow with a list of people-to-do and things-to-do?
My good friend has told me once that everything happening is just my own responsibility.
Am I or the destiny responsible for people and things coming to my life? And then if its only me who can take care of this mess, can I change it in one day?
What is the best way to your dreams: dreaming or being fully awake to work?

Older

This May made me wiser. I would not say older, for several reasons, one of which is that I am officially older now. Wiser in this case means more experienced in the questions of living and loving.

I am looking over at my lonely room and thinking of the times when it was not so empty and when my days were much lighter. I have been lighter.

There are some things that might kill the best feelings even in the optimist, which I used to be. Strangely, I used to play the main part of my life, having all my dreams right before me. Then came an alteration which made me more of a slave.

This year I have also noticed one thing: every year right before my birthday I fall apart, mentally and physically. I start seeing nightmares. I lack trust for people. I lack the desire of being light and easy-going.

This year I have finally understood what the real love is. It is the love for myself, which under no conditions can be replaced with the love of someone for me.  With a little love for yourself you can see life from another angle. It might even surprise you. And after all I am assured that only if you love yourself enough will another person fall in love with you the same way.

This year taught me not to react. Not to react to what other people think, first of all. Not to react on what someone wants from you. Its not exactly freedom, its liberty.
I have learned to listen to my heart and pass my feelings to others. 
I have learned to give people more waiting for the universe to give me back all love I had given.

This year I realised that the most important thing in life is family. And no family can exist without children. Children are those who fill my heart and to whom I hope to give myself the next year.

And yet there is another thing I have not mentioned yet. No matter what happens in life, I would have never managed that without my family and my friends and the mutual love which keeps me strong and alive.

 

Amare

Io ti amo così tanto che alcune volte io penso che tu non esisti, che sei solo un bellissimo sogno..

Sometimes I think of the challenges we have on the way to love..
What is there we need to overcome to be closer to our dream? Should we spend nights to still feel the sharp love?

Being in love and loving is the most beautiful thing that ever happens to a man.  Its the only thing worth living, the only one worth breathing and hoping..

I cannot fight breathing and hoping for love, true

Qualche volta io penso alle sfide noi abbiamo sul modo di amare..
Cosa è là noi abbiamo bisogno di superare essere più vicino al nostro sogno? Dovremmo passare notti per ancora sentire l'amore acuto?
Essendo innamorato ed amare sono la più bella cosa che mai accade ad un uomo. Suo l'unico cosa valore vivere, il solamente uno valore respirando e sperando..

Io non posso lottare contro respirando e sperando in amore, il vero amore..


PS Con te partiro

la liberté vraie

 
Je ne peux pas imaginer ce qui est plus important dans la vie : étant soutenu librement ou sensation librement. C'est la liberté vraie que je me suis sentie aujourd'hui. Merci!
Я не знаю, что более важно в жизни: родиться свободным или чувствовать себя свободным.
Это настоящая свобода, которую ты я сегодня ощутила.
Спасибо!

crazy

"A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy? "Albert Einstein.
Вопрос, который иногда меня смущает: это я сошла с ума или все остальные?

My destiny

It's a very touching song filled with beautiful words and angelic sounds.
I hope it will make you feel as good as it makes me feel - forever loving.

The New Dracula Story

Once upon a time there lived the Dracula in a very old castle. The Dracula was a very nice and an extremely handsome man who enjoyed late night suppers. He always had a lot of friends - vampires and bats - and he had always been famous among people.
All his life he had been living in the Hollywood. As any Hollywood star he had a fan club all over the world. It was very easy to become a member of his fan club: you only had to send the Dracula your name, your address and your bood group.
Every time when his fans came to Dracula's house, he was drinking the Bloody Mary...
Unfortunately, the Dracula had never been married, but he always wanted to have a family. That's why the Dracula had a lot of pets at his house - giraffes.
With his favourite animals he had never felt lonely...

Some people believed that the Dracula had died several hundreds years ago, and only giraffes know that he is still alive...

Con te partirò

Quando sono solo sogno all´orizzonte e mancan le parole
si lo so che non c´è luce in una stanza quando manca il sole
se non ci sei tu con me
Su le finestre mostra a tutti il mio cuore
che hai acceso chiudi dentro me la luce che hai incontrato per strada

Con te partirò
Paesi che non ho mai veduto e vissuto con te adesso sì li vivrò
Con te partirò
su navi per mari che io lo so no, no, non esistono più con te io li vivrò
Quando sei lontana sogno all´orizzonte e mancan le parole
e io sì lo so che sei con me tu mia luna tu sei qui con me mio sole
tu sei qui con me con me con me

Con te partirò
Paesi che non ho mai veduto e vissuto con te adesso sì li vivrò
Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so no, no, non esistono più con te io li rivivrò
Con te partirò su navi per mari che, io lo so no, no, non esistono più con te io li rivivrò
Con te partirò
Io con te

El Tango Argentino

Танго - это не просто танец страсти и любви. Танго - есть жизнь, в ее самом прекрасном исполнении, эта жизнь наполнена биением сердца, когда каждый его удар описывает ритм движения.
Танго
Аргентина
Страсть
Жизнь
Безумие
...
все это Я в настоящий момент и описание всего того, что живет внутри меня.
С каждым движением пламенный огонь разгорается все больше и больше, обжигая моего партнера. Танго не оставляет нам ничего, кроме пепла. Танец забирает нашу жизнь и дарит душу Дьяволу, чтобы мы смогли все также сильно и безумно желать друг друга и двигаться в одном ритме.
Мы более не принадлежим себе, отныне мы - его вечные рабы.
Танец, на дающий покоя и отдыха, воспламеняющий все, что живо, отнял мой сон..

Walking on thin ice

Sweet cherry lips painted in hot colour ask for passion. In a second your glimpse tells me even more than your lips do. Every now and then you bite them, you drink them, you cannot get enough of them. You cannot get enough of me anymore, leaving me helpless, making me surrender even more.

I flash back to the night full of us on the thin river ice. No matter how hard I try to forget your intoxicating smell, nothing can help me now. Nothing can be on my way of thinking about you, wanting you more and more and reading your lips every night in my dreams.

Your last call made me think over your words again and again all day, every day. I am imprisoned by the desire of wanting to hear your voice, your voice telling me about your passion.

I walk on thin ice, not looking back, but right in front of me. I search for the stars and the early morning to arrive soon.

Its a five in the morning love story, happening to us for the first time.

Its the first time we aren't afraid of breaking that thin ice under the feet. Its the first time we aren't thinking about the future of being ashore and are simply enjoying taking steps on thin and yet quite strong river ice.

Its the first time I am going crazy from my passion and desire to live.

Fuoco e ghiaccio

Слезы умывают мое ярко накрашенное лицо, смывают с него тяжесть прошедшего дня и неудавщейся ночи, напряжение, вызванное мыслями о будущем. Что на самом деле важно: подчиниться или идти своей дорогой по просторам Вселенной? Что заставит меня остановиться посреди быстротекущей реки жизни, не боясь проломить хрупкий лед, держащий меня на плаву?
Я всего лишь ветер, неугомонный и изменчивый ветер. Смогла ли я даже на секунду представить себе такой насколько ярким может быть огонь, управляющий воздушным потоком? Смогла ли я предположить, что этот огонь возродит врунтри желание жить?
Тем временем я все еще ломаю хрупкий лед в своем сердце и не перестаю восхищаться насколько прочным он может быть в марте. Мой внутренний лед есть остывшее желание быть собой и не бояться. Мой внутренний лед заставляет меня повторять одну и ту же рутину хорошо заученных действий.
Как истинный последователь каменной теории я продолжаю заземляться, падать и не подниматься. Я стараюсь вдохнуть полной грудью из недр моей давно вырытой могилы, такой холодной, такой неуместной для того, кто желал кремации. Кремация - есть смерть та, которую ищу я. Тот огонь, разгорающийся внутри, уже больно обжигает мою чувствительность.
Боль - это наслаждение или мука?
Наслаждение или мука, что бы оно ни было, оно теплее холодной земли могилы и железных оков, пускающих мою кровь.
Даже мартовский лед проломится под лучами яркого апрельского солнца.

Jean Saul Partre

Дым, нависающий надо мной уже в течение нескольких часов, никак не желает распасться на более мелкие частицы и, таким боразом, покинуть меня и мою уже изрядно затуманенную голову. Мои распущенные волосы глубоко вдыхают его аромат, незапятнанный ничем, кроме того самого сигаретного дыма, старательно обволакивающего его кожу и мой рассудок.
Должен ли бесмыссленный раговор когда-нибудь обрести иной смысл? Останется ли в памяти память о нем? Память, заключенная в особом моменте социальной и половой несправедливости. Та, которую придется нести еще долгие несколько часов.
Вкус шампанского пробивает мое естесство и медленно убивает его. Зачем торопить смерть, если она все равно придет? Зачем играть в покер с судьбой, если она все равно выиграет?
Зачем читать о любви, если она не придет? Зачем держать за руку того, кто решительно намерен упасть?
И зачем забивать до отказа светлую голову подобными вопросами в то время, как в марте вдруг пошел снег, а я в легких туфлях?
Жан-Поль, тот самый с тонкими французсикими чертами лица, прорывается в подсознание Виана и топит мой огонь в очередном бокале.

Игрок

Не боясь лотерей
я играю с судьбой.
Сделав шаг-два вперед,
примиряюсь с игрой.
Твердо карту кладу,
зная все наперед,
словно вещий игрок,
предрекаю исход.
Я не верю в судьбу,
но я верю в людей.
Я простила всю ложь,
пропустив карусель.
Мой волчок заведен,
а я молча стою -
Моя роль - есть в антракте
 и запить немоту.
А в театре премьера -
Достоевский "Игрок".
Полный зал в ожиданьи
вдруг панически смолк.
В главной роли представлен
Незнакомый актер..
Его имя грохочет:
"Ты не имя, а вздор!"
Не боясь комплиментов,
поднимаюсь, встаю,
ровной поступью легкой
я на сцену иду.
Мне, поднявшись, вручают
три охабки цветов..
Мое средце не тает -
Я игрок, не "игрок".
Птицу счастья поймала
и удачу держу.
Людям верить пристало
в дьявольщину одну.
Я накрасила щеки
в ярко-пепельный цвет.
Этот мир проклял все,
даже "Новый Завет".
Мой " игрок", отступая,
учит роль и поет,
он готовится, зная,
что спектакль не умрет.
Мой "игрок"  верит в чудо,
верит в счастье и жизнь;
Призрак, полночь и вуду -
не его это стих.
Отправляясь в дорогу,
не прощаясь, без "нет",
мой "игрок" славит небо
за антрактский обед.